Slipping Into One

What day is it anyway?! They're all just slipping into one. Normally I know where I am, I don't slip in and out so easily. Right, it's Thursday; I'm not going to start with Today, I'm going back to Wednesday. No, I lie, I'm going back to Tuesday night.

Wardrobe dilemmas! I mean, it's going to be a low-cut v - I think it's expected now, isn't it? I've got one in every colour; I've got your blue, your pink, your red, your brown, your emerald green. I no longer have the bottle green; I gave that to Matthew Wright, didn't I? Got the yellow - I mentioned the red didn't I? Sorry about that.

So, in my mind I've got - Oh, I didn't mention I've got it in white, the low-cut v that is! As I was saying, in my head I was gonna wear (this is for Attittude magazine by the way) my grey jeans from Uniqlo (they're the T000, the skinny fit, 'cause I can, so I do, why wouldn't I?), with the white low-cut v and a shocking pink cardigan. And believe me, it was shocking; when I put it on I was looking for the off button, it was that bright! Or that could be to do with my eco-friendly light bulb which takes a while to brighten up. Does anyone else find that with them bulbs? You have to wait for about five minutes before you can see yourself!

Anyway, I wasn't convinced, so I just packed my bag with every low-cut v that I had, a pair of dark blue jeans, just in case, and a pair of clean underwear. They might have wanted me to strip down to my underpants, which I would have refused to do of course, unless the photographer was really cute and he pressured me into it - there's always exceptions.

Bag packed and done, hot bath (with bubbles), straight to bed.

Thursday morning, 9 o'clock, me and Laura, meeting the girls from More magazine. More, More, More, how do you like it, how do you like it? More, More, More! They loved it!

I gave them a quick tour and gave the Beauty Editor a few tips for her husband about chest-hair removal. Apparently he's shaving when he should be Veet-ing - you see, you don't get in-grown hairs my way. And I also gave her a few more tips on hair removal for him in places he may not be attending to but should be. You know. I don't need to go down there do I? But that's down to her, I can't sort it out for him - well, I could, but I won't. I think that's for her and him to discuss, but I will let you know if she gets back to me with a positive result!

Anyway, she's my new best friend, and she says she has a whole cupboard at the More office full of beauty products, which I will be visiting promptly to fill up my bag. Even if I don't want it I'm sure my sisters could knock it out for a good price down the council estate.

Oh, hold on, hold on, I've got someone waving at me - it's one of the producers. Let me just throw him a fish, 'cause that's what he looks like, a frantic seal at feeding time.

I'll have to make this last bit quick. The photoshoot went well, I ended up in yellow (low-cut v that is), we were all in agreement that was the right choice for the Spring issue. The photographer and the two guys from Attitude were great to work with and made me feel very good about myself. Because it's always a worry, when you're getting a bit thick around the middle, being flashed at from every angle - by the photographer that is, not the two guys from Attitude. I should be so lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, as Miss Minogue would say.

Oh look, I've reeeeeally got to go, the seal is still out there waving. Now I just want to throw a net over them and drown the lot. I'll have to tell you later about today's two press interviews and my trip back to Harry Hill, which I'm going to be on again this week; all I've got to say is, look out for my big pussy!

I might just do a video blog tomorrow! What do you think? I'm off, I'm going. Ta-ra!